We are excited to begin rolling out a new version of PREPARE/ENRICH designed specifically for couples going through the adoption process. For over 30 years, PREPARE/ENRICH has primarily been used by facilitators offering premarital counseling, marriage counseling and relationship education, but there has been a growing number of social workers and adoption case workers who have integrated the assessment into their pre-adoption interview process. Social Worker, Diane Vollendorf, with the Community Adoption Center in Wisconsin, made the following comments about using the inventory with couples planning to adopt:

 “It’s the most objective form of information I have for my interviews. It saves me hours of interviewing time, and I like it because it’s positive . . . I wouldn’t do an adoption without one.”

While no relationship is perfect, it is important to place adopted children in homes with healthy role models and stable relationships. PREPARE/ENRICH provides a wealth of information on each individual, their relationship, and their background.

Recognizing the value of using the inventory in this way, several modifications and additions have been made. Two existing scales, Personal Stress and Commitment, have been modified. Additionally, three new scales have been developed for couples preparing to adopt: Adoption Considerations, Adoption Expectations, and Adoptive Parenting. The pre-adoption content is specifically designed to identify unrealistic expectations about adoption and create opportunities for healthy dialogue as couples prepare to bring an adopted child into their family system.

Certified PREPARE/ENRICH facilitators can contact customer service to activate their access to the Pre-Adoption Version.

A friend recently commented that her husband took her to the Mall of America on their first date for a shopping and dining excursion. She now calls this “false advertising” because he hates to shop and will no longer join her on such outings.

This made me think back to my first date with my wife, Heather. Am I guilty of false advertising too? Considering that we went out for a nice dinner and then went to a play, I have to admit I too may be guilty as charged. As her birthday neared, I planned a full week of dates and a gift each day! Wow, I gave her the impression that I plan extravagant dates and events with money as no obstacle. The problem is that nothing could be further from the truth.

We still go on dates, but we don’t do fancy dinner, bottles of wine, and the theatre all in the same date. Basically, I’m quite frugal (you might say “cheap”) and eating out at fancy places and ordering $7 glasses of wine does just not jive with our budget. We sometimes find ourselves watching the clock and wondering how much we’ll have to pay the babysitter on top of the evening’s expenses. As for birthdays, we celebrate and exchange gifts, but we now laugh about the whole birthday week. Yes, I’m guilty of false advertising. In our everyday married life, the criteria for making decisions is quite different than it was 16 years ago as young singles.

Looking around, it is clear I’m not the only one who is guilty of false advertising; this is basically how the game is played in our culture. On some level it must be instinctual – don’t many creatures in the animal world have flashy behavior and rituals they pull out to attract a mate? Like some silly bird hoping around and showing off their brightest feathers, we go out of our way to impress and woo the objects of our affection. We pull out all the stops and spare no expense. But after the rings have been placed on the fingers and the honeymoon is over, the realities of life set in. Busy schedules, stressful jobs, constricted budgets and demanding children bring reality crashing down.

So what’s the lesson here? As a premarital therapist, I know the greater the distance between unrealistic expectations and reality, the greater the disappointment and frustration will be. When taking premarital couples through PREPARE/ENRICH, we always spend time talking about idealism and unrealistic expectations. It is important for couples to ask themselves how much false advertising has impacted their expectations. They are encouraged to be as real with one another as possible.

For married couples, the challenge is to step up our game. Don’t settle into a life that leaves no room or energy to invest in our marriage. While it may be inevitable that we can’t deliver on all the false advertising that took place during courtship, we can certainly make our marriage a priority and surprise our spouses with something special or romantic from time to time. Better yet, build in some ongoing routines, such as a date night, that will allow you to sustain a thriving marriage.

Who knows, I may need to plan another birthday week this year!

PREPARE/ENRICH was created over 30 years ago and has solidified it’s place as the leading premarital inventory in the United States. Revised and updated five times since 1980, there are now over 85,000 trained facilitators using the program in the U.S.

Approximately 5 years ago, however, Life Innovations introduced another assessment tool called the Couple Checkup. It is not uncommon for facilitators to be confused by this new inventory, and they are not sure of the differences between the two. As we’ve conducted trainings around the country, I’ve begun to explain the differences between the two by using the analogy of a prescription strength versus an over the counter assessment tool.

PREPARE/ENRICH = Prescription Strength
Just like certain medications, which require a prescription from a doctor, PREPARE/ENRICH can only be accessed through a trained facilitator. Facilitators register couples to take their inventory, and facilitators receive all of the assessment results in their online account. Couples must meet with their facilitator to get feedback and go through several couple exercises designed to teach proven relationship skills. PREPARE/ENRICH is more in-depth and does not shy away from difficult topics such as abuse, substance abuse, and pornography. Click here for a brief video overview (3 minutes) of the Customized Version of PREPARE/ENRICH.

Couple Checkup = Over the Counter
The Couple Checkup, however, can be accessed directly by couples. It is found at www.couplecheckup.com and any couple (18 or older) can create their own account, complete the assessment, and gain immediate access to their results and a Discussion Guide. The Couple Checkup report is designed to be comprehensive, but understandable and user-friendly for someone who’s not been trained to use an inventory. The assessment is about 30% shorter than PREPARE/ENRICH and does not delve into issues which might overwhelm or confuse couples. Still, the core content is taken from the research-based PREPARE/ENRICH inventory and studies have already demonstrated significant improvements for couples who take the Checkup on their own, or as part of a group program.

Because it requires less administrative oversight, facilitators gravitate towards the Couple Checkup when leading a group or conducting an enrichment campaign for married couples. Click here to see how easy it is for couples to set up their own Checkup account.