The most popular song on the radio right now is an Eminem and Rihanna song called “I love the way you lie”. Rihanna’s sweetly sings the chorus, “Just gonna stand there and watch me burn; well that’s alright because I like the way it hurts; Just gonna stand there and hear me cry; Well that’s alright because I love the way you lie”. I hear this song everywhere. It won the best rap/hip-hop track at the Teen Choice Awards 2010 and is currently #1 for the 7th consecutive week on the US Billboard Hot 100 songs. I hate to admit I like this song and so does every kid I have asked from age 9-19. The chorus is catchy and melodic and tends to linger in your head.
Last night my 18-year-old son and I watched the video together because I wanted to hear what he believes the message to be. The video depicts a couple (played by actors Dominic Monaghan and Megan Fox) slapping and hitting each other, breaking things, (she) spitting in his face, interspersed with passionate kissing while a house is burning down in the background. The most disturbing words from my son were, “They love each other so much that they act crazy sometimes”.
The cycle of abuse and breakdown of the relationship is too nuanced and overshadowed by the erotic nature of this song/video for most teens to empathize. A neighbor friend and mother told me her 13-year-old noted surprise that Rihanna would be involved in this song considering her bruised face (by then-boyfriend and singer Chris Brown) made news headlines a year ago. Eminem raps about how he apologies after hitting his girlfriend but then goes on to say, “I know I’m a liar; if she ever tries to leave me again I’m gonna tie her to the bed and set the house on fire”.
This couple’s dysfunction and abuse would certainly show up in background questions and interactional patterns assessed in PREPARE/ENRICH and the Couple Checkup. And yet professionals are trained to refer-out to a specialist if abuse is outside of their expertise because relationship abuse requires specialized intervention. The easy misinterpretations of this song remind me that freedom always requires responsibility. Those whose work impacts the emotions and lives of others must be acutely aware of their influence, capabilities and limits. Eminem uses freedom of expression and I am sure he considers himself professional and has been rewarded and acknowledged for his artistic talent which reaches a lot of people, particularly youth. I can’t help but feel annoyed when people choose to use their freedom without responsibility. The title of this song can very well be the sarcastic commentary on the song as I don’t love the way it lies because passion is not love, love does not hurt and women do not enjoy being hurt.
So yesterday I texted my wife. She tweeted me back, but I was busy, so I messaged her on Facebook and discovered we could do live chat. So much for the simplicity of my 1980s Ma Bell rotary-dial.
In today’s society, we’re electronically interconnected in more ways than ever before. Some lament this. Others celebrate. Whatever your stance, technology keeps on evolving. How is technology affecting your relationship? What do you do in these situations?
My fiancée just changed her status from “in a relationship” to “it’s complicated.” What’s that mean?
I just found my high school flame. Do I friend them or not?
It won’t hurt to let the rest of the world know that my spouse was a jerk for doing….
I’m afraid my wife is spending too much time with a guy online. She says it’s innocent, but I’m starting to wonder.
Maybe you could benefit from taking some time to think about how Facebook and other social media can be used in a positive way for your relationship. Jason and Kelli Krafsky, long-time affiliate partners of the Couple Checkup, recently released a book called Facebook and your Marriage. They even developed an entire partner website (www.fbmarriage.com) full of ideas for using Facebook to make your marriage better.
Through the book and website, they highlight some very important Do’s and Don’ts for how Facebook can affect your marriage. I don’t want to steal their thunder – so check out their site. If you haven’t already, you can even take the Couple Checkup through their site.
Whether we like it or not, the world’s changing. Let’s make sure our most important relationships keep up with the pace.
An amazing thing happened this week! A huge fast food corporation decided to do something proactive for marriage using the Couple Checkup inventory as an outreach tool. A proactive group known as Strong Marriages Florida arranged for 10 Chick-fil-A stores to give away a Couple Checkup voucher code with every order. The code allows couples to take the online inventory during this campaign, which lasts the entire month of August. Check it out: http://www.takethecheckup.com
Beyond this, they are hosting Date Nights every Monday night in their stores. The dates compliment the topics in the Couple Checkup and are inspired by the work of David and Claudia Arp and their 10 Great Dates books. This means any couple over 18 (dating, engaged, or married) in Palm Beach and Martin counties can take the online assessment and attend up to 5 dates nights in August absolutely free.
On the surface, chicken and marriage don’t seem to be a natural combination. But if you know anything about the Cathy family, founders of Chick-fil-A, you know they are driven by more than just business. Not only do they make great food, they are a mission driven organization that supports communities, families, and marriages. They close every one of their stores on Sundays, giving their employees a break and sending a message to the community that Chick-fil-A is not an ordinary fast food chain. Because they treat their employees so well, they have the lowest turnover rate in the entire fast food industry.
Chick-fil-A has started a non-profit marriage enrichment retreat center called WinShape Marriage. It is an incredible facility that has been completely refurbished to serve marriages! When given the option of building a corporate retreat center, the Chick-fil-A board realized there were already many such facilities around the country and instead, decided to do something truly unique; a marriage retreat center. They now host programs for premarital, married, and couples in crisis. If you ever get a chance to visit WinShape, I suggest you take advantage of it. http://www.winshape.org/marriage
Chick-fil-A’s commitment to marriage is nothing new and we are pleased to partner with them on this Couple Checkup campaign in Florida.
As their cows say, “Eat Mor Chikin” and save more marriages!
