About four years ago my then-fifteen year old daughter raced through the “Twilight” series books over holiday vacation. I will never forget her saying, “I am in love with a vampire” and, although I found it clearly an odd thing to profess, appreciating creativity and the written word, I was more amused than alarmed by her words. Since I have never been drawn to science fiction/romance novels, I have only been mildly curious about this story, even as Twilight movie images have infiltrated our culture by way of billboards, t-shirts, backpacks, folders, etc. Several weeks ago on a wilderness vacation, idleness convened with curiosity and I can now count myself among those who have read and been intrigued by this story.
Although I found the story to be entertaining, the greater part of my intrigue lies in a curiosity and concern for how young people relate to this brand of romance and love. (Twilight’s readers are mostly preteen girls). The 17-year-old protagonist (Bella)’s only reason for living is to be with Edward a 100-year-old vampire who sneaks into her room at night to watch her sleep, disables her truck to “keep her safe” and appears out of nowhere to rescue Bella from unsafe situations for which she often finds herself. The idea that danger and fear is an aphrodisiac is a constant theme of their relationship as Edward claims that Bella’s blood is like his “personal brand of heroin” so he must constantly will himself to resist killing her. The following is a more in-depth review of the book and film that I feel nicely addresses some dangers of this fantasy: http://www.decentfilms.com/articles/twilight.html
But I also wonder about the romanticism effects as these books are infused with idealistic blind love. Bella is willing to give up her family, friends and her humanity within a month of meeting Edward. Edward is described as “perfect/godlike, beautiful” and he is also talented, wealthy, strong, fast, smart, and yet somehow Bella is the only person he has ever felt attracted to in 100 years. He is always romantic, kind and offers unconditional love and forgiveness, even when Bella makes out with Jacob and realizes she loves them both. He tells Bella that he will not make her choose between himself and Jacob; that she can “have whatever part of me you want”. He loves to cuddle but does not seem interested in sex but will consider it once they are married: Edward is the quintessential fantasy partner.
Edward and Bella speak constantly of love but present only lust (inspired by the forbidden nature of their relationship) and drama. Research lead by Ted Huston at the University of Texas in Austin followed 168 couples from their wedding day through 13 years of marriage and found couples whose marriages begin after a courtship characterized as extremely passionate and drama-filled are particularly prone to divorce because such intensity is hard to sustain. Huston found the distinguishing factor between those who divorced and those who remained married was the amount of change in the relationship during the first two years. When a relationship is driven by romance and fantasy, great disappointment and loss of love and intimacy is more likely when idealized images give way to more realistic ones, as they eventually will.
We love these vampires and werewolves because the desire for a partner who responds perfectly and passionately to every need we have is a hard one to resist. But is this a harmless fantasy or a dangerous relationship model? Studies using PREPARE/ENRICH have found that couples who completed the assessment and three feedback sessions significantly reduced their “Idealistic Distortion” score as well as improved their relationship on 10 of 13 interpersonal areas. But these are couples who have sought out premarital preparation, not impressionable coming-of-age children. How do marriage educators and parents compete with books and films that glamorize obsessive romance with radical messages of real sustainable love-when the “love” that feels forbidden and dangerous makes for such an intriguing story and emotional high?
Amasita
You are an entertaining author….please do more of this! …Also, you look as beautiful as ever..XXOO
Carlasita
Thanks for an interesting article!
The characteristics of the relationship triangle reminds me of what I see in mixed orientation marriages, where the “safe, beautiful but not overly passionate” man who is willing to give what she wants, turns out to be gay or at least bi-sexual. This is in constrast with the chemical (literally) reaction for Jacob. Several million marriages are in this category according to Dr. Amity Buxton, founder of the Straight Spouse Network.
As a family therapist, I had been very concerned by the whole “Twilight” phenomenon. I recently taught a class on intimate relationship to university undergraduates. One of the interactive projects was to look at Bella in terms of attachment style, healthy boundaries, and her relationships with her parents and community. She came out looking like a mess of a girl with no history of a heath relationship, and it was an interesting moment of insight for some of the class who had loved Twilight. Thanks for the article. It is very timely!