“The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences.”
A PREPARE/ENRICH facilitator posted the Proverb above on our Facebook page last week and I was struck by just how true this is in life and relationships.
I’m reminded of Hagrid, the lovable giant from Harry Potter, who is known for blurting out too much information and then quickly realizing, “I shouldn’t have said that.” Time and time again, he reveals too much information to those around him, often with real consequences.
Do you ever feel that way in your relationship?
I shouldn’t have said that . . . to him or her.
I shouldn’t have said that . . . about my spouse.
I shouldn’t have said that . . . with so much negativity.
The things people say (or don’t say) have the power to determine the life or death of their marriage.
Our own research clearly demonstrates that communication is the category that most powerfully predicts martial success. In looking at sample of 50,000 couples who took PREPARE/ENRICH, we found that healthy couples do several things well in the area of communication:
- They share their feelings with one another
- They listen to one another in a way that demonstrates understanding and care
- They ask for what they want
- They don’t refuse to discuss difficult issues
- They don’t make comments that put one another down
When we communicate in these ways, it brings life to a relationship. When compared to unhappy couples, happy couples are six times more likely to feel very satisfied with how they communicate.
When couples don’t communicate in these ways, their relationship suffers and is much more susceptible to break-up or divorce. Often, the biggest challenge is keeping the tongue in check, and simply being a good listener. It doesn’t take much to derail a conversation and turn it from a productive life giving experience into something negative or damaging.
The good news about communication is that it is a skill that can be learned! See the Couple Checkup or PREPARE/ENRICH Program for great tips and exercises on learning better communication.
thank you so much for your article it helped me a lot because I have some problems with ny husband but Thanks to God I understod that with him every thing is posible and I am sure that my marriage will be better
I am suffering these days for my strong-holds, I have seen the proverbial horse after it appears to have left the barn. I love my former partner with all my heart but aknowledge I was the one who brought down our relationship. I would give my life for her should it be needed.
Thank you for a website that has given me some solace and hope………….
have never seen a harry potter. never will. ill learn from GODS words, not a fariy tale. i was told that christians shouldnt see them movies. the tongue is very powerful. it can build up or tear down.