So yesterday I texted my wife.  She tweeted me back, but I was busy, so I messaged her on Facebook and discovered we could do live chat.  So much for the simplicity of my 1980s Ma Bell rotary-dial.

In today’s society, we’re electronically interconnected in more ways than ever before.  Some lament this.  Others celebrate.  Whatever your stance, technology keeps on evolving.  How is technology affecting your relationship?  What do you do in these situations?

My fiancée just changed her status from “in a relationship” to “it’s complicated.”  What’s that mean?

I just found my high school flame.  Do I friend them or not?

It won’t hurt to let the rest of the world know that my spouse was a jerk for doing….

I’m afraid my wife is spending too much time with a guy online.  She says it’s innocent, but I’m starting to wonder.

Maybe you could benefit from taking some time to think about how Facebook and other social media can be used in a positive way for your relationship.  Jason and Kelli Krafsky, long-time affiliate partners of the Couple Checkup, recently released a book called Facebook and your Marriage.  They even developed an entire partner website (www.fbmarriage.com) full of ideas for using Facebook to make your marriage better.

Through the book and website, they highlight some very important Do’s and Don’ts for how Facebook can affect your marriage.  I don’t want to steal their thunder – so check out their site.  If you haven’t already, you can even take the Couple Checkup through their site.

Whether we like it or not, the world’s changing.  Let’s make sure our most important relationships keep up with the pace.

I heard a story the other day from someone who took the Couple Checkup and found out his marriage was categorized as “Devitalized.”  This husband, (let’s call him Dave), didn’t know what to do.  Recalling the first time he saw his Checkup results, he said, “I knew we were having some difficulties – but nothing like this.  We agreed on two questions in the whole Checkup.  I’m scared, man. I’m losing my wife and kids.”

Dave was suddenly aware of all those things his wife had been  “complaining” about for the previous six months:

“We don’t spend enough time together.”

“You’re not listening to me.”

“The kids never know when you’re gonna snap at them.”

“I feel like I can’t talk to you.”

These weren’t just complaints from his wife.  These were the words of a wife that loved her husband and wanted to get through to him.  She wanted Dave to know she loved him, but something was preventing their marriage from moving forward like it had in the past.

Maybe you’re in the same boat.  Maybe you hear these same sentiments from your spouse.  Maybe you took the Checkup and you’re “Devitalized.”  What are you going to do?

Let me tell you what Dave did.  First and foremost, he decided to take action.  Maybe you’ve been riding the fence for a long time, waiting for your relationship stuff to magically get better.  That will never happen.  You have to take intentional steps to get to where you want your relationship to be.  Start now.

Next, Dave took the Checkup to two people that he knew would help him.   He went to a mentor in his place of worship, and he took his results to a counselor he’d seen before.  Getting over this speed bump in his marriage was something Dave knew he’d need help on.  He’d tried too long to go it on his own, and it wasn’t working.  He needed outside eyes on the situation so he could make the best progress.  Do you have somebody you can trust to help you work through your Checkup – a friend with a strong marriage, a mentor, a pastor, a coach, a counselor?  Find this person and utilize their help and expertise.

Dave also began to study what good relationships really look like.  He read the Couple Checkup book, based on research with 50,000 couples.  He used the exercises from the Couple Checkup Discussion Guide, included free with his initial report.  He read books on marriage, on controlling his anger, on how to be a better dad.  He became an armchair marriage expert.  What resources do you have at your fingertips to be a better spouse?  Use them.

Lastly, Dave kept at it.  He didn’t give up.  Letting his relationship slide into the Devitalized zone didn’t happen overnight, so getting out of that funk doesn’t happen overnight, either.  Dave has been working hard at his marriage for the past six months.   While life isn’t perfect, Dave says, his marriage is “ten times better than it was when we first did the Checkup.”  By taking a few small, intentional steps in the right direction, Dave and his wife are on a path they’re both happy with now.  And that fear of losing his wife and kids?  It’s a fading memory.

I represented PREPARE-ENRICH and the Couple Checkup at a national conference last week hosted by the National Association of Catholic Family Life Ministers.  The goal of the conference was to develop “marriage-building” parishes and churches.  A lofty goal, no doubt.

Like other conferences, there were great speakers, exhibits, workshops, networking to be had, etc., etc.  If you’ve ever been to a professional conference, you know the routine; they’re all pretty similar.  What set this one apart for me was the passion and drive of all the people there.  The conference was full of individuals, couples, entire families, priests, deacons, and business people who believed whole-heartedly that healthy marriages and relationships make a difference in the well-being of individuals – and in the health of the church.  These are the people that faithfully work with couples in relationship crisis, those looking to go from good to great, and those who just were never given a good example of what happy and healthy marriages could look like.  Everybody I talked to said they were driven by their faith and its prominent role in their own marriage.

Whether or not you’ve ever darkened or intend to darken the door of a church, I think you’d agree with me that the people at this conference (and others like it) are often unsung heroes that toil in anonymity, doing everything they can to make sure folks like you and I have a safe place to turn to when our marriage is struggling.  They provide resources, classes, counseling, coaching, assessments, retreats, books, CDs, etc.  They believe wholeheartedly in the mission of supporting healthy marriages – maybe your marriage, or my marriage – and they do it without a huge paycheck, without recognition, without even knowing if what they’re doing is always making a difference.  I appreciate them.  I applaud their efforts, their outreaches, their work to make sure you and I have a place to turn when our marriages need it.