Question posted on the message board:

“Our priest is having us use PREPARE/ENRICH as the starting point for his premarital counseling. Anybody used this program? Thoughts/opinions? Thanks.” – Florida

Responses from other couples:

“Our officiant had us fill out this test as well. We really liked it.. The program showed areas of strength and pinpointed things we needed to talk about. The coolest thing is it comes with a workbook with activities that you and your FI can do to build communication. I would suggest you do the PRPEARE/ENRICH program.”  - Tennessee

“We had to do it also, and like the previous post we loved it. Good Luck!! Have fun with it, just remember it can’t do any harm to find out where you two can improve. Kinda like extra credit.” – Omaha

“Our pastor is having us use the program as well!!:)” - Wyoming

“We used it as well and it was wonderful. It really showed us our strengths and areas of improvement to work on as a couple. It also identified your major stressors in life which was super helpful.” –Cincinnati

“We used the assessment as well. It was very useful and fun, too! Had a great time! Have fun with it!” – North Dakota

“We did the test, and it was insightful. One of the important things is that you each do it on your own and be completely honest on your expectations. We had fun with it.” – Seattle

“FI and I did the test as well. We’re a very open couple and were friends for years but there were still a few things that we learned about each other through the process.” – Houston

It is a rare thing to have a glimpse into this type of unbiased conversation. We did not edit a single comment or leave anything out. So if you’re using PREPARE/ENRICH with your couples, or training new facilitators, be encouraged! You simply couldn’t ask for a better stamp of approval!

Every four years we receive this extra day (February 29^th) to make up the difference between the 365-day calendar year and the actual duration of Earth’s orbit of the Sun- which is 365.2422 days.  Like every day, it consists of 86,400 seconds that are rare and unique and will never exist again.  I like that it is an occasion to reflect on this great life and the great people with whom we share this experience.  Jim Evans said, “If you don’t think every day is a great day, try going without one.”  No person can know for sure if they may be among the approximate 155,500 people for who today will be their last day. 

Mitch Albom’s thoughtful novella called For One More Day explores the philosophical idea of having the luxury of spending one more day with a loved one who has passed.  I read this book years ago with a box of tissues at my side, grateful for a storied reminder to be conscious of the blessings of important relationships.  This story resonates because relationships are one of the essential elements that contribute to our sense of well-being and life fulfillment. 

If you want to spend some time giving attention to, and reflecting on, your couple relationship, the Couple Checkup provides a great platform for you to do so.  If you do not have the time for such an in depth evaluation of your relationship, take just a few moments of the “extra” day this month to discuss this question with your partner: “If you were guaranteed only one more day, how would you spend that time”? 

National Marriage Week originated in the U.K. in 1996 and has since spread to several countries, including the United States. National Marriage Week USA runs every year from February 7-14. It is a creative campaign that coincides with the Valentine’s Day holiday in an attempt to deepen and extend this day in the minds of couples.

New Year’s resolutions and Valentine’s Day romance provide great motivation for couples to take a closer look at their relationship, learn new skills, and develop them into long -term habits. Just like getting more exercise benefits physical well-being, investing energy into enriching and maintaining relationships benefits relationship well-being.

Of course, resolutions will bring about positive change only if intentions are put into action. The Couple Checkup is an easy way to take that first step! In conjunction with National Marriage Week, the Couple Checkup will be offered at a discounted price of $19.95 per couple (regularly $29.95). Couples can go to www.CoupleCheckup.com anytime during the week of February 7-14 to set up an account, and the discount will be automatically applied.* By taking the online Couple Checkup assessment, couples will discover their strength and growth areas, gain insight, generate discussion, and work through exercises to develop healthy, new relationship habits.

*This 30% discount applies to credit card purchases made during National Marriage Week, February 7-14, 2012.

 “It’s the most objective form of information I have for my interviews. It saves me hours of interviewing time, and I like it because it’s positive . . . I wouldn’t do an adoption without one.”

While no relationship is perfect, it is important to place adopted children in homes with healthy role models and stable relationships. PREPARE/ENRICH provides a wealth of information on each individual, their relationship, and their background.

Recognizing the value of using the inventory in this way, several modifications and additions have been made. Two existing scales, Personal Stress and Commitment, have been modified. Additionally, three new scales have been developed for couples preparing to adopt: Adoption Considerations, Adoption Expectations, and Adoptive Parenting. The pre-adoption content is specifically designed to identify unrealistic expectations about adoption and create opportunities for healthy dialogue as couples prepare to bring an adopted child into their family system.

Certified PREPARE/ENRICH facilitators can contact customer service to activate their access to the Pre-Adoption Version.

This made me think back to my first date with my wife, Heather. Am I guilty of false advertising too? Considering that we went out for a nice dinner and then went to a play, I have to admit I too may be guilty as charged. As her birthday neared, I planned a full week of dates and a gift each day! Wow, I gave her the impression that I plan extravagant dates and events with money as no obstacle. The problem is that nothing could be further from the truth.

We still go on dates, but we don’t do fancy dinner, bottles of wine, and the theatre all in the same date. Basically, I’m quite frugal (you might say “cheap”) and eating out at fancy places and ordering $7 glasses of wine does just not jive with our budget. We sometimes find ourselves watching the clock and wondering how much we’ll have to pay the babysitter on top of the evening’s expenses. As for birthdays, we celebrate and exchange gifts, but we now laugh about the whole birthday week. Yes, I’m guilty of false advertising. In our everyday married life, the criteria for making decisions is quite different than it was 16 years ago as young singles.

Looking around, it is clear I’m not the only one who is guilty of false advertising; this is basically how the game is played in our culture. On some level it must be instinctual – don’t many creatures in the animal world have flashy behavior and rituals they pull out to attract a mate? Like some silly bird hoping around and showing off their brightest feathers, we go out of our way to impress and woo the objects of our affection. We pull out all the stops and spare no expense. But after the rings have been placed on the fingers and the honeymoon is over, the realities of life set in. Busy schedules, stressful jobs, constricted budgets and demanding children bring reality crashing down.

So what’s the lesson here? As a premarital therapist, I know the greater the distance between unrealistic expectations and reality, the greater the disappointment and frustration will be. When taking premarital couples through PREPARE/ENRICH, we always spend time talking about idealism and unrealistic expectations. It is important for couples to ask themselves how much false advertising has impacted their expectations. They are encouraged to be as real with one another as possible.

For married couples, the challenge is to step up our game. Don’t settle into a life that leaves no room or energy to invest in our marriage. While it may be inevitable that we can’t deliver on all the false advertising that took place during courtship, we can certainly make our marriage a priority and surprise our spouses with something special or romantic from time to time. Better yet, build in some ongoing routines, such as a date night, that will allow you to sustain a thriving marriage.

Who knows, I may need to plan another birthday week this year!